http://seeyouinheaven-nicki.blogspot.com/
- thanks, nicki
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Sunday, January 11, 2009
Grief opened my eyes . . .
I have always wanted to draw but was not able to UNTIL after Alicia's accident. Strange, I know, but true. It happened just this way . . .
One of the many, many, sleepless long nights shortly after the accident, I was sitting in the living room looking through a book of presidents (I love American history) when, for some odd reason while looking at a black and white picture of one of the presidents (Adams, I think), I was suddenly able to see what must be what a true artist sees when he/she looks at something. I was bewildered and thought to myself, I have to try to duplicate what I am seeing. I ran into Blake's room and got one of his drawing pads and a black crayon (he didn't have any charcoal) and went to work. I sat for hours drawing this picture. I couldn't stop! It was as if I was possessed!!! Apparently I was totally engulfed in getting the image on paper because the crayon kept breaking as I was drawing. When I finally finished, I had black crayon rubbed all over my arms, elbows, fingers, shirt, pants, nose, cheeks, forehead, and even the chair. (I'll insert a photo of that picture I drew once I have taken a picture of it.) For a period of months, I saw things differently. What I mean to say is, I could see in two dimensions. I couldn't stop drawing. I drew Gramp's (my mother's mother's father) barn (see below) then I started drawing pictures of Alicia (one of many is below). I did one of myself. I even drew pictures of other people's babies. Most of those I gave away.
Here are some of the things Blake and I did. These are hanging in our hallway. As you can see, Blake is a natural artist. He does beautiful work.
The barn is a sketch I drew of my mother's mother's father's (Gramp) barn. Mom grew up playing in this barn, and as a kid I also played in and around the barn whenever we visited Gramp and great Grandma. The trees are a charcoal drawing Blake did in school. (BEAUTIFUL)
This is a sketch I drew (and haven't finished) of myself as a child . . .
and this one is one I drew of Alicia around the same age as the one of myself.
The picture in the center is one Blake did. It is hard to see but it is of various masks with different expressions.
I also attempted to paint but I have to say, that was something I didn't master like the sketching. It just didn't happen for me. The painting below in the gold frame is one Blaker's won an award for during ninth grade art class. The others below his are mine. Yep, like I said I didn't exactly master the art.
I have since, lost my eye for drawing. The desire is still there but I just can't see what I saw before.
I hope to some day get that ability back but if it is at the cost of such heartache, I hope to never draw anything but stick figures as long as I live.
Perhaps this drawing ability was a temporary gift from God to help me get out of the deep black hole of depression I found myself in after the accident. Those who have lost a child know what I am speaking of but to those who don't (and I hope NEVER do), I'll go into that in more detail another time.
. . . just thinking.
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One of the many, many, sleepless long nights shortly after the accident, I was sitting in the living room looking through a book of presidents (I love American history) when, for some odd reason while looking at a black and white picture of one of the presidents (Adams, I think), I was suddenly able to see what must be what a true artist sees when he/she looks at something. I was bewildered and thought to myself, I have to try to duplicate what I am seeing. I ran into Blake's room and got one of his drawing pads and a black crayon (he didn't have any charcoal) and went to work. I sat for hours drawing this picture. I couldn't stop! It was as if I was possessed!!! Apparently I was totally engulfed in getting the image on paper because the crayon kept breaking as I was drawing. When I finally finished, I had black crayon rubbed all over my arms, elbows, fingers, shirt, pants, nose, cheeks, forehead, and even the chair. (I'll insert a photo of that picture I drew once I have taken a picture of it.) For a period of months, I saw things differently. What I mean to say is, I could see in two dimensions. I couldn't stop drawing. I drew Gramp's (my mother's mother's father) barn (see below) then I started drawing pictures of Alicia (one of many is below). I did one of myself. I even drew pictures of other people's babies. Most of those I gave away.
Here are some of the things Blake and I did. These are hanging in our hallway. As you can see, Blake is a natural artist. He does beautiful work.
The barn is a sketch I drew of my mother's mother's father's (Gramp) barn. Mom grew up playing in this barn, and as a kid I also played in and around the barn whenever we visited Gramp and great Grandma. The trees are a charcoal drawing Blake did in school. (BEAUTIFUL)
This is a sketch I drew (and haven't finished) of myself as a child . . .
and this one is one I drew of Alicia around the same age as the one of myself.
The picture in the center is one Blake did. It is hard to see but it is of various masks with different expressions.
I also attempted to paint but I have to say, that was something I didn't master like the sketching. It just didn't happen for me. The painting below in the gold frame is one Blaker's won an award for during ninth grade art class. The others below his are mine. Yep, like I said I didn't exactly master the art.
I have since, lost my eye for drawing. The desire is still there but I just can't see what I saw before.
I hope to some day get that ability back but if it is at the cost of such heartache, I hope to never draw anything but stick figures as long as I live.
Perhaps this drawing ability was a temporary gift from God to help me get out of the deep black hole of depression I found myself in after the accident. Those who have lost a child know what I am speaking of but to those who don't (and I hope NEVER do), I'll go into that in more detail another time.
. . . just thinking.
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